Pleasure and well-being - what is important for women?

If she doesn't want to, but he does, then we have the classic in a couple relationship. Lust disorders are widespread, and women tend to be more common in women than men. It is typically the case that the person who feels more comfortable attributing the problem to the other person. It's called fast, sexual desire is normal, so you have a problem because you don't feel like it.

But looking closer, both partners have a big problem in such a situation,"explains sex therapist Dr. Beatrice Wagner. The partner with the greater sexual desire has the problem that he has to cope with his unfulfilled sexual desires and the lack of intimacy. This is deeply frustrating in the long run. And the partner with less sexual desire has the problem that he has to justify himself permanently why he doesn't feel like it. This can often cause feelings of inferiority. An imbalance in sexual desire puts a lot of strain on a relationship.

Sexual desire, also known as libido, is a reaction caused by certain key stimuli. For example, when a woman sees an erotic photo or an attractive man, the blood flow in her vagina is stimulated in a reflex-like way. This process is physiological in nature and does not require control of consciousness. Scientific studies have shown that this reaction occurs in almost all women. In sexual medicine and psychology, it was therefore assumed that many women who do not feel the urge not to live them out because of fears or relationship problems. But now, within a short period of time, two women scientists have disproved this view as too one-sided: The American gynaecologist Lori Brotto specifically examined women and men who claimed not to have sexual desire to be even asexual. As suspected, the blood circulation of the vagina or penis occurred when they watched erotic films. Nevertheless, the people said they didn't feel like it. Excitation in the erogenous zones does not arrive as a sensation of sexual pleasure in the brain. Nicole Prause, a US brain researcher, is currently investigating why this is the case in some people. Obviously, some people do not activate the sexual centers in the limbic system of the brain, even if the sexual organs indicate excitement. Since these people don't feel their listlessness as painful, they don't need therapy.

Another explanation for the phenomenon of female lust is provided by the Canadian scientist Rosemary Basson. She had interviewed women who lead a good and fulfilling sex life. One third of these women stated that direct stimulation is not sufficient to create sexual pleasure. Indirect stimulation plays at least the same role: candlelight, a nice meal or a nice three-dimensionality, but also the feeling that with the partnership everything is right, that you are emotionally close, that you want to feel intimate and want to experience community. In addition, allegedly listless women often have good reasons, even if they are not always aware of them. Maybe they are stressed or feel physically dissatisfied. An often underestimated pleasure killer is also the fake orgasm,"explains sex therapist Dr. Beatrice Wagner. When women keep pretending to the man how great sex life is, she gets frustrated at some point. Sex becomes a tiring spectacle, but the reward for it, the orgasm, does not take place under this strain. And at some point, lust falls completely by the wayside." In addition to these so-called soft factors, medical reasons must not be ignored, such as pain, testosterone deficiency, certain illnesses and medications - as well as abuse experiences, fears, depression or partnership problems.

As you can see, female listlessness is a complex phenomenon. For help, consult your doctor or health care professional for advice on gynaecology, psychological psychotherapy or sexual therapy. In often only a few sessions it is possible to explore together where the cause might lie. In addition, think carefully about what makes you want to do well and discuss these needs with your partner. Of course, there is also a form of permanent listlessness that is not pathological and does not respond to therapies. So listlessness is not always a disturbance, but sometimes just your right.


Copyright: Landeszentrale fuer Gesundheitsfoerderung in Rheinland-Pfalz e.V. (LZG) Germany

Text: Dr. Beatrice Wagner, Editor: Marielle Becker